Category Archives: Projects
The fear of failure re: half marathon.
The looking forward to vegging out and feeling healthier (oxymoronic though that may seem).
The long distance that I hoped to close – and the potential for things to go spectacularly wrong.
I didn’t fail. I completed the half marathon in < 2 hours. 1:49:55, to be exact. Position #553, and 50th female across the line.
So that was one thing.
I have barely exercised since (unless ascending & descending 102+ stairs every day counts), but plan to change that (gradually) starting soon, as I still feel the same as before.
I closed the distance. I got a job in the city (bleh, the city), and moved in with Him. Unfortunately the job contract is temporary, ending Christmas. Fortunately I have interviews for more permanent ones coming up, and a decent chance of being kept where I am if those don’t go well.
‘Bleh, city’ has been basically the only downside in all of this so far. There have been no catastrophic fuck-ups yet. Ok so I don’t really feel like my work (Social Research) can ever contribute more than 0.00000000000001% to anything that really matters in this world, but hey; I’m not dead yet. I’m not even old, yet. I’m not even not-that-young, yet.
Here is a photo of myself and my brother in the garden back home, wearing our medals and t-shirts and pretending to be cool a couple of hours after the race;
Hope you guys are all good :)
but as I write this I find myself, yet again, contemplating the possibility of having all of my hair chopped off. This time, though, I’d properly 100% go for it. Sinead O’Connor/Natalie Portman style. Maybe I could do it for next year’s charity fundraising efforts? It would be a whole lot easier than running 13 miles, for sure.
Which brings me to the subject of the half marathon.
I’ve had a lot of time off from training recently and am now left with just over 8 weeks to pretty much bring myself up to race standard from scratch. I was doing really well; I’d managed 8 miles whilst keeping up my best pace of around 8mins 30secs per mile. Then I got a cold, and the frequency of my training efforts took a nosedive.
Then I felt better for a week or so and started to get back on it… and promptly caught another cold/got attacked by a second round of the first one. Second time round it came with the most horrendous cough I’ve had since I was a kid, and so that put a full stop to training for more than a week. Then once I felt better I ran a couple of short distances in the days before I had to go under general anaesthetic etc. to have all of my wisdom teeth taken out.
That was a week ago. At least one of the teeth still hurts a bit, but I plan to run tomorrow. I anticipate doing so with trepidation. For the entirety of the 2.78 miles I ran just over a week ago I pretty much thought I was going to die. I mean to the point where I genuinely considered stopping, in the middle of a deserted road, and just sitting on the ground crying like a baby.
That feeling of being utterly overwhelmed by the task I faced really made me think. At the time I was thinking much more poetically than I feel capable of today, but I mostly realized that this whole marathon thing is kinda just my life in miniature (I avoid talk of ‘metaphors’ because the word is overused and I just don’t like it).
Try hard, make progress – make amazing progress – get knocked back to a lower low than the one from which you started in the first place. Get up, try some more, claw your way up a little, lose your grip, fall back down (further still) and then…?
Well. I would like to make it quite clear that I am not, I am NOT going to give up. On June 30th 2013 I am going to run 13 miles. It is GOING TO HAPPEN, just like all those other things I am struggling to achieve. I’d take the burning muscles and straining lungs over the burning of abject terror in my blood and the straining of huge chunks of my mind hanging on by a thread, any day. Unfortunately, as I have lately come to realize, I am at some point going to have to just take the lot; I cannot keep avoiding it. Perhaps the rest won’t seem so hard after the 13 miles of lung and muscle punishment?
And Here also, for your enjoyment, is a picture of a baby and a cat on a swing;
I have signed myself up to run a half marathon on June 30th this year, in aid of Leukaemia & Lymphoma Research.
I am going to run 13 miles without stopping. At 9am, on a Sunday. I also plan to do this within a highly respectable time limit.
I really needed something achievable to aim for in my life, and since it would seem I can’t rely on my mind alone for achievable goals, (damn thing keeps wanting what it can’t have, like ‘a graduate job’…) I’ve decided to rely on a combination of willpower and physical hard work instead. I am currently 10 days into my training programme, running distances of around 4 miles and keeping up an average pace of around 8 mins 50 secs per mile. So far, So good.
AND, I received this present from the charity today;
which means I never have to worry about getting run over while I train (/trampled by sheep if I collapse halfway).
I am genuinely quite excited about this whole thing. If anyone happens to be feeling like a charitable and amazing individual, you can sponsor me here.
I would be massively grateful for any donation, no matter how small. :)
is enjoying her half-birthday. Reasons for smiles today include;
- This being my second consecutive day off from work, and the first for a long time in which I have absolutely no obligations whatsoever towards other people. I am wholly free to do exactly as I like with this day.
- I have so far spent the day cleaning the fish tank, tidying my room, cleaning my car, singing along to the pick ‘n’ mix of songs selected by various shuffle buttons and making plans for the rest of the day/year.
- Tonight is choir night – which means more singing slightly too enthusiastically, and time with my sister. Before that, thanks to some decent weather at last, I plan to go out for a walk/bike ride with my camera.
- Last night I spent some time chatting and catching up with three of my best friends from university. Despite my being irrationally nervous about the whole thing beforehand, it made me feel so much better about life than I had been feeling. Turns out I do need friends after all, who knew? ;)
- For no apparent reason, as happens from time to time, I seem to have woken up with more energy and optimism than I’ve woken up with in a stupidly long time. Maybe that’s because the sun is shining on England for the first time in even longer, or maybe it’s me and maybe it will last – even if the sun doesn’t. I really, really hope so.
In short some invisible, small-but-disproportionately-heavy weights have been lifted from my shoulders. I actually feel like I might be capable of kicking some ass today and hereafter. Hopefully this won’t be just another cruelly transient hormone/brain chemical-based mood fluctuation.
If I get any good ones I’ll post the photos from my walk on here soon.
Wish me luck?