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Silent Sunday 31/03/13

Silent Sunday 31/03/13

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Resolutions*

*I don’t seem to have had much success thus far in my attempts to be resolute, in life. So don’t expect any of this stuff to stick. But that in itself is a resolution for me; I need to try harder.

~

1)  Spend more time applying for graduate jobs.

– I won’t lie; since it became a good idea for me to start doing this – about a year ago – I have applied for definitely no more than 5 such positions. My heart is very simply not in it. But then I don’t think that over the past year my heart has really been in much that I’ve done. I’m beginning to think I may be dead inside like all the emo kids were, back when emo kids were a thing.

Still, that is not a valid excuse; I need a career. Or at the very least I need a job that will allow me to afford to move out of my parents’ house and start living my own life properly, before I lose my mind/become irrevocably convinced that I have failed at life… and throw myself off a cliff. I need the next stage of my life to start; I need my next bunch of friends, my next not-quite-home, my next dose of terror and ignorance and challenge and sink-or-swim. The problem lies within my reluctance to make a giant leap for just about any graduate job; I want to be vaguely able to believe that I might be able to like the new life that that leap would represent for me. If not immediately (because the fear will ruin everything for the first couple of months, this I can be sure of) then at least after a reasonable amount of time.

2) Join a choir (or similar), and SING, ‘TIL MY LUNGS GIVE OUT.

– I always sang at school. And it was one of my favourite things, looking back, about that time. Singing duets and being one half of the Chamber Choir alto section made me feel… kinda special. (Good special). And I was good at it, too. I have the certificates to prove that. And then for some reason I lost that ability/lost all faith in any of my abilities. And then I never dared to sing in front of another living soul, and never really got the chance to sing to myself in the absence of other living souls, and so currently have no idea how well I could sing if I tried – really, properly tried – right now.

In the new year I will find at least one local choir/group of people who sing and aren’t too hugely selective about who they allow to join, and I will take my little sister with me because she used to sing too, and we will join one of said groups, and I will have one or two more hours of happiness and forgetting the world, each week.

3) Exorcise some demons.

– In particular, the ones that make me freak out on certain people in certain situations.

(Ahem).

(No idea how this can be done, but I’m fed up of ‘can’t’. Can’t is not Okay; even if it’s ok with you, it’s not ok with me. I need to start being capable of stuff generally, and I plan to start with the little things and work my way up. Ahem).

4) Make more effort with friends, old and new.

– Although actually… To be brutally honest, there are only a handful of people I genuinely give a damn about nowadays, and this is how it’s always been. I’m not a very sociable being, I don’t really need many friends. I’ll chat with just about anyone if that’s what they want from me, but as far as real, proper friends are concerned I only need a few. I do think I need to make more effort with my favourite few though, because they make me happy.

5) Make music.

– Play piano plenty, and get better at it. Obtain the appropriate software and compose all the things I would have already written if I’d only had the software to do so before now. Play my cornet more, and get back to where I used to be, skill-wise, with that. Then play at least one solo with the band, for old times’ sake and for that whole feeling-like-I’ve-achieved-something thing. Little things.

6) Enrol onto at least one course of some description. Learn some new stuff and/or do some of the things I always kind of wanted to do, where possible. e.g. illustration, photography, sewing, cake decorating… Create (Because that itch is far too rarely scratched, and I’ve gotten decidedly rusty).

7) Read more. Because, like singing, it takes me away. Away is never ever bad.

8) Write more. For the same reasons.

9) Be happier. Any way, any how; spend more time smiling and less time crying. Go swimming regularly – and not alone – because exercise helps and swimming is quite escape-y.

10) Marry Adam Levine… 

.

Poke me in June and see how I’m doing with these, yeah?

Vacant fish;

#

~xx~


Elfte Dagen

Your Family. 

(^The Parentals)

(^The brothers)

(^The Sister and Me)

(^The Other – Furry – Brothers)

(^My Babies)

Camera dodgers, the lot of ’em.

Apologies for the generally crap quality of pics, too.

(You have NO idea how difficult it is to photograph 2 fishes at once with a phone).

Love,

~xx~


Zehnten Tag

Put Your Music Player On Shuffle and Write The First Ten Songs That Play. 

From my main Spotify Playlist (in need of some editing, it seems) entitled ‘Roar’.

~

1. I Didn’t Mean It – The Belle Brigade.

2. Show Me How To Live – Audioslave.

3. Substitution – Silversun Pickups.

4. Wash – Pearl Jam.

5. Discipline – Nine Inch Nails.

6. The Captain – Biffy Clyro.

7. Badman – Newton Faulkner.

8. The Walk – Imogen Heap.

9. So Happy I Could Die – Lady GaGa.

10. Thickfreakness – The Black Keys.

Bonus Tracks:

11. Fury – Muse.

12. Dance Yrself Clean – LCD Soundsystem.

13. You Are A Tourist – Death Cab For Cutie.

14. One Day Like This – Elbow (There are many different shades of Roar, y’know).

15. We Can Make The World Stop – The Glitch Mob (If I could choose a soundtrack for the more ass-kicking moments in my life, this would most definitely feature).

I hate hate hate telling people what I’m listening to. I could be World Champion of self-consciousness. Well – go ahead and judge me. And can I just say; all of the songs you haven’t heard of up there, look them up? Shuffle actually did quite well, I think. Interesting selection.

~

Anyway. More importantly than my loser taste in müsyk…

Today the lovely Mr. David Kanigan, of Lead.Learn.Live nominated me for an award…

The Inspiring Blog Award.

So I need to say a big thankyou to him. I would never ever consider my words to be inspiring at all, but I am very flattered that someone out there found something in one or more of my posts that resonated. It means a lot; cheers Dave. ; )

Next thing I’m meant to do after linking y’all to his page and putting the logo up there, is list seven facts about myself. I’ll leave that part out since I just gave you all that music^; that was kinda like telling you some stuff about me, if you listened. Then I have to nominate 5-10 other blogs, and tell them I’ve done so. If you want to accept and pass on the award, those are the rules.

1. Vincent Mars

2. Coco J. Ginger

3.  Pink 

4. Pride In Madness

5. Lesley Carter

6. Cherry Coley

The first two for inspiring me to write by doing so kind of beautifully themselves, and the rest for inspiring me more personally by being continuously supportive of my efforts on here.

In other news, there is a cat – normally a very antisocial little fella – resting his head against my leg and purring while he sleeps. ^-^

Lotsa Love,

~xx~


I continue to struggle for things to say;

Joey continues to be relaxed and photogenic.

*sigh*

~xx~


How Apple Strudel Got Her Name

… is a story I cringe to tell, and only ever will if I have absolutely no other option.*

But yeah. I’ve mentioned my goldfish,  Apple Strudel, before haven’t I?  (Here.)

Well, a little while ago I got a new fish tank. On Tuesday I moved Strudel into it, and bought a new wee fishy which is currently in quarantine in the old, small tank before he/she can move into the grown-ups’ tank and be Strudel’s friend. (Said newbie  is also in need of a name; preferably a gender neutral one alluding to a dessert and/or a somewhat lethal alcoholic beverage).

: )

Here’s the old-timer;

And here’s the teeny tiny new baby;

.

They pretty.

[I swear I am not the goldfish equivalent of the stereotypical crazy cat lady].

In other news I have this horrible feeling my laptop may be about to die a hideous death on me. So, umm…

Love ‘n’ hugs

~xx~

*other options include forcibly removing my own premolars/eyeballs using blunt cutlery, and throwing myself blindly out of the nearest (closed) window.


Lots of Love

Today, for all the awesome people who have shown me some recently.

Recent events have led me to vow to try to be a better person.

(So y’know… feel free to kick me if you think I’m failing, okay?)

Not sure if any of this counts, but today/yesterday I have;

(and yes, I also know that telling everyone about stuff I’ve done that I think is good, is in fact somewhat self-indulgent and probably not very good-person-ish, but I promised smiles and this just happens to be where today’s smileage has derived from, so suck it).

* Bought flowers for my Grandma.

(She’s helped me out recently, and she’s injured, as if I needed a reason to be buying her flowers. Never realised how difficult buying flowers is. Never done it before. “I like these ones… but will she like these ones? These ones aren’t as expensive but they’re prettier… the roses have ‘rose food’ and the others have ‘bouquet food’ – can you mix them? I’ve been hanging around the flowers too long, I look silly, need to make a decision here…”)

* Bought my lil’ sister another Kinder surprise egg.

(I always bring her one of those when I come home, even though she’s far too old for such things now. It’s just become a bit of a thing. Unfortunately, the toy in today’s was lame, again. Not only am I unable to win anything on the lottery or any such similar gamble, it seems I don’t even have the luck required to get one of the cute Kinder egg toys for my sister. *sigh*).  

* Gave the lil’ sister a proper hug – one that lasted ages.

(She always calls me Voldemort, because she thinks my hugs are rubbish. I’m working my way out of that nickname one smothering bear hug at a time).

* Told my dad the fence that he recently put up was a pretty good fence as far as I could tell, and promised to paint it for him when I’m back home.

(This after wandering thoughtfully around the beautiful mess that is the abandoned patch of land/sheds behind our house [sort of] with him. We don’t always have a lot to say to each other, but sometimes that’s ok).

* Deleted myself from Facebook

(Because it does me no good. And me being done no good = not easy to get along with).

* Refrained from treating the cat in any way that might have caused him to become agitated – meaning letting him go when I hadn’t had anywhere near enough of cuddling him, yet.

(I hope he appreciated that).

* Brushed the dog, who in his old age seems to be moulting enough each day to stuff a couple of pillows.

(I know, I know, daft. But honestly, I wish I’d gotten a photo of that. He looked so happy to be getting so much attention. Followed me around for the rest of the day and everything. Actual cutest thing ever).

And tomorrow,

* If I can drag myself out of bed on time, which will benefit me too, I will drop the siblings off at school so mum doesn’t have to before work.

(Early mornings always turn out to be good for my soul; hopefully the happy vibes will make me nicer all day).

* I won’t go back to Uni until I’ve made sure the whole house is sparkling clean and tidy.

(And that’s quite a lot of house. Hence why it never quite manages to be sparkling clean or tidy unless I’ve been around and had too much time on my hands).

I think that’ll do, for now.

Here is a photo of a bit of the (kinda photogenic) kinda wasteland I mentioned;

.

This and 2 other crumbling outbuildings, and lots more overgrown-ness; woulda been (was, even though it was owned and used and cared for back then, but shhh) such an awesome playground for making dens and stuff when I was a kid. Climb the lilac tree, drop down over the fence, always win at hide and seek. (Or, forget hide and seek, duck under another fence and wander off up the hill).

: )

~xx~


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